What it is to love an addict? 

It is pain one can not truly put into words.  It is a disease worse than any cancer. 

It kills you for loving the addict.  You enter a world of your own personal hell. 

You exhaust all your energy and efforts into the disease, into the world of the addict.  And you never come close to the bottom of it. 

You search for the truth.  You search for understanding but yet the addict pushes you further and further away into your own hell. 

You begin to rationalize which is worse, life with the addict or life without the addict?  You want the addict to love you more than his drugs.  You beg and plead and they only hurt you with their words and actions. 

The addict beats you down.  Beats down your self esteem and self worth. 

You in essence become an addict.  Addicted to the pain, addicted to what little bit the addict will give to you.

You welcome it just so you feel as though you are still a piece of them. 

You contemplate, your life in this hell and you wonder can you continue to live with this pain.  The pain is so deep, it rips you from inside and it won't stop. 

You are in constant fear.  Anxiety has taken over your world. 

You can't enjoy life.  You can't enjoy life while you know the love you have is for the addict. 

You pray and you hope the addict will return your love. 

You believe your fight is strong.  You believe you can conquer the addict with your love. 

You dream of once was, the love you felt so strong between you and you mourn everyday that is gone.  You mourn your life. 

You mourn the reality of the one you love, the drug addict. 

You wish you could die.  You don't want to wake up and feel the pain another day. 

Your wrought with anguish.  You cry every night. 

You wonder why, why me?  Why did God put me on this earth?  Why did he put me here to endure this suffering? 

You begin to believe you are somehow bad for loving this person.  Loving this person with this horrible disease that lies, steals and hurts. 

You begin to question your own sanity.  You wonder, did they ever feel love for me?  Did they ever truly love me? Or was it all part of the drug addicts world?

You wonder, was I ever a reality for this love of mine? 

You wonder how much more you can bleed with pain.  You just want it to stop and it won't.  The pain just won't leave. 

You don't want to accept that you love an addict.  You believe no matter what the addict really does love you, he is just sick. 

And that makes you sick.  You don't want to wake up anymore feeling this pain, this pain of loving a drug addict. 

Your in hell and you can't get out of it. 

You die inside. 

A little more each day you die and you welcome the death.  Anything to get you out of this hell filled with pain. 

You wake up each morning and wish you didn't.

You pray for God to put you out of this suffering.  For him to take pity on your suffering and end your life.  You have no life when you love a drug addict. 

In the end the disease has killed you too.