Walking into the grocery store two weeks ago, I noticed all things pink, red and heart shaped and became immediately peeved.  This is a familiar feeling that arrives around the popular American holidays and I try to convince myself that I’m enlightened and not just cranky.  

It’s not Valentine’s Day that bugs me.  On the contrary, a day dedicated to the celebration of love is a fabulous idea – we could use a lot more of them – but it’s the way the expression of love has been reduced into an uninspired formula:  cheap chocolate + (rose x 12) = ROMANCE that’s the kicker .  Where is the creativity and thoughtfulness on this holiday dedicated to love? 

Think twice when you reach for those cellophane wrapped truffles.  We can do better than that.  

I understand it’s easy to despise occasions that make you feel bad for being single.  I’m quite happy and satisfied with singlehood, but recognize the many external forces at work trying to keep us down, whoever we are.  Despite these personal victories, it’s remarkably difficult to not fall victim to the obligatory gloom that hovers over the “single” on Valentine’s Day.  News flash from the satisfied single woman:  you can and should be your own best lover!  Putting all your happiness and pleasure into someone else’s hands (or other body part) is never wise, whether in a relationship or not.  It’s easier to tell someone what rocks your world when you know what it is!  Taking responsibility for our own needs is the surer path to happiness.

Case in point:  A friend of mine just told me that she’s getting an IUD on Valentine’s Day.  For those not in the know, this is a highly effective, safe and long-lasting method of contraception.  The reason I mention this is that my friend is not currently in a relationship, nor is she desperately seeking one.  She’s cool, she’s happy and she not waiting around for a change in relationship status to affect her personal health care decisions.  For now, this liberated lady is taking matters into her own hands.  And that, my friends, is sexy.

A clever couple I know celebrate every Valentine’s Day together by re-enacting their first date.  23 years ago they spent an evening getting to know each other, full of the weird magic of new love, and didn’t seem to notice that they were at IHOP.  The whole point for them is to revisit those early feelings of intense attraction and to remind each other what it was that made them fall in love in the first place.  Like those overdone commercials tell us – some things are too valuable to quantify.  Mediocre pancakes at midnight: $4.99.  Falling in love again every February: priceless.

So here’s my idea.  Let’s all stop spending so much time, energy and money on the crap we’re bombarded with.  Think outside the box of chocolates and start paying attention to what really make the hearts in your life throb, including your own.  So what if it’s cheap chocolate and roses.  Maybe it’s hot wax and handcuffs.  Maybe it’s a night alone with a tube of lube and an active imagination.  Whatever it is – try it.  Do it.  Do it again if you like it and often.  Can you imagine what the world would be like if more people in it were truly sexually and sensually fulfilled?  Let’s find out!

Valentine’s Day isn’t the only day of the year to wantonly express love for those of significance in our lives, but we can all use reminders.  For this Valentine’s Day, be bold and try something you’ve never done or thought you (or your partner) might enjoy.  Or do something you used to do, and loved, but haven’t done in a while.  Let’s heat things up around here this winter!