Most people are surprised when I tell them I never went to college, and even more surprised that I didn't graduate high school. Why? Because, by anyone's standards, I'm a success story. I've played integral parts in building some pretty big technology companies (like Amazon.com and aQuantive), and now regularly lecture about business and entrepreneurship. I don't look like the image that most people have of a high school drop out. But I am.

School just wasn't for me and I knew this very early on, at least school the way it was presented to me. When I was really young I loved school, because I am - and always have been - intensely curious. But by sixth grade, I was bored with what they wanted me to learn, and yes, I had that one really bad teacher that just shut me down. I knew from the time I was 12 that I wanted to be out in the real world doing things and building things. I wanted to be doing anything other than sitting in a classroom. I knew that what the system was dumping into the incredibly hungry parts of my brain was going to be worthless to me in real life. I knew I was wasting my time. I was bored to tears. I was a clock-watcher. I never did homework and typically had barely passing grades. I could not wait to leave, to think, to use my time to learn things and use my hands to do things.

At the time, the things that interested me most were technology and theater. I would rather tinker with audio-visual equipment, work on producing and lighting school plays, be in the dark in the photography lab, play with high voltage in the electronics lab, or mess around with those early microcomputers in the computer lab. I managed to find a comfortable niche for myself doing those things at school, but it had nothing to do with class work. I was, to be sure, an outlier. People who know me laugh and say, "Oh, you were the AV geek." I guess I was. That feeling of not fitting in, coupled with being bored, certainly explains why I had no interest in being in school. So, in the middle of 12th grade, I just stopped going. There was nothing interesting to me about graduating, and I couldn't relate with the excitement that most other students had about continuing school for another four years.

It didn't occur to me at the time that the things I should be out there doing and building were technology and companies. But that's what happened, and it worked very well for me.

The Out Crowd (or, The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth)
If I had it to do all over again I would do it the same way. But I was lucky. I had interests and skills at a time that fit perfectly into what was soon to become critically important: Personal computers, software development, information management and digital entertainment. These emerging new ideas for a new era were the perfect confluence of everything I loved, but that no one was teaching in school. Because the market didn't exist, I was still a comfortable outlier. But now I was a pioneer because it wasn't that I didn't fit into an existing context - I was creating a new one. I was no less alone but I was, by the nature of the market and the economy, creating situations that would keep me stimulated, engaged, motivated and ultimately, successful. Something that school couldn't do for me.

It took decades to realize it, but like any other situation that we find ourselves in throughout our lives, I was not alone. It wasn't until recently, when nearly all human-knowledge became findable with a single Google query, that I learned that there are lots of successful people with whom I share the dubiously distinguished status of High School Dropout. If I had known then that I wasn't truly turning into a complete failure, if I had known that I was not alone, if I had known that I wasn't a dummy for not being able to fit the mold, I might not have given up. But that is not how it worked, at least not then.

Famous figures aside, I recently spoke with someone else who also felt alone and misunderstood throughout school, dropped out in 11th grade, and also succeeded despite the stigma and uphill battles. Gene De Libero lives in Port Jefferson NY, an idyllic township on Long Island's north shore, and he is a thriving technologist, consultant and NYU lecturer. Like me, Gene enjoyed school before sixth grade but then something happened.

"All of a sudden, it became a chore. There were requirements that I had as a learner, but we don't all learn at the same rate and in the same way. I retreated into my own thing. I wanted to learn about different things outside of school. Once I hit junior high, I felt I was surrounded by people who were there to just get a paycheck, and then splitting. It wasn't a good scene for me."

Gene and I had nearly identical meetings with school guidance counselors. You know, the dreaded meetings when they ask parents to come in to try to figure out what's wrong. Gene recalls, "I remember meeting with the guidance counselor with my mom, and they were trying to figure out what to do with me - they'd say ‘he's really intelligent, we need to challenge him.' They did get that right. But then nothing happened. And you end up getting branded as a trouble maker, or a problem child."

Indeed this is a recurring theme throughout the lives of many who don't fit the mold. Unfortunately there are those who don't fit, do not succeed in school, and then get mired in societal expectations that they are destined to do nothing of value. To be nothing of value. And since we all expect it, no one bothers to suggest anything different.

A Different Course
I am a technologist and a high-school drop out, so I'm not going to pretend that I know how to fix the whole problem. But I'm also a successful entrepreneur who's helped build some pretty important companies, so I do have some experience when it comes to identifying problems and understanding markets.

Part of the problem is clearly the nature of educational systems. Most schools are large, and are part of larger school systems. As such, they can't possibly create custom curricula and provide custom teaching styles for each student. For some parents, this leads to home schooling, but only for the kids whose parents are aware enough, have the time and luxury, and who also have the tenacity needed to complete the job. Relative - and controversial - merits of home schooling set aside, the simple fact of having parents that are that perceptive and focused, and have the time to do something is a huge advantage. And a rarity.

For most kids, the ball is tossed back and forth between the school and the home - each trying to blame the problem on the other. And caught in the middle are students who need help, direction, special care or some other way of learning. None of which happens without someone making it happen.

The role of parents is key, and just showing up for PTA meetings and pep rallies might not be enough. Especially since "just showing up" may be a stretch if you're working a couple of jobs to make ends meet.

Gene, now a parent of twin, college-age girls as well as a nine and 12-year old adds, "today, if you don't stay involved and engaged, and if you don't go to school and make yourself available to know what's going on, you're not going to know how to help your kids. At some point, something is going to come up that you're going to have to deal with. And if you're not prepared, you can't help."

Stop Asking Why. No, Start Asking Why!
Something else Gene and I had in common, throughout school, was that we asked "Why?" Why did we need to be doing one thing or another in class, or why did we need to learn by sitting around for six hours a day and not "doing" something with our brains other than getting bored? As Gene remembers, "in the 70's, wanting to be different, and asking why we were doing things a certain way and not another, was labeled a behavior problem. Today, a kid who needs more attention or who is super intelligent, instead of being labeled with a behavior problem, just gets placed on ADHD medication. And that's just not right!"

Indeed, Adderall and other ADHD medications, which became very popular in the 90's to turn the volume down on hyperactive behavior in class, is still in heavy use today. Gene's kids tell him that, to this day, when kids are frequently getting referred to the school psychologist as a "behavior problem", they almost inevitably get medicated. "ADHD child" is the new "problem child". Children's little helper, as it were.

I know myself well enough to know that I was a good kid. I was never mean, rude, destructive or even disruptive. All I did was ask "why," a lot. Why did I have to learn this stuff? Do this assignment? What good is this going to do me in life?

Gene was the same way. I have to think that a lot of "problem kids" in today's classroom are feeling the same things I was feeling. And I wonder why teachers and administrators aren't asking themselves "why?" too. Why are these kids so bored? Why do they need to learn this stuff?

Or, even better, "What would this kid like to be learning?" "What is this kid interested in?"

Post Not Grad
After high school, like Gene, I found myself in a strange position. I knew that I was pretty good with technology and computers. I was continuing my self-education with hands-on learning, reading trade magazines, spending 20 hours a day in front of a computer screen mastering its use and learning how to make it work. At the same time, I was watching friends go to college, graduate from college, get hired and launch their own careers. But it wasn't that easy for me. I would apply for jobs in software development work, sometimes get interviews, but inevitably the question of college would come up. My resume had no mention of higher education, but it was assumed that anyone applying would have such a background. When I would mention that I was self-taught, that was that.

I had skills, great skills, but because I didn't have a traditional education, I had a very hard time getting a "real" job.

Gene concurs, "for a while I was going in for interviews with big firms, including on Wall Street. One time, I went in for a systems administration position. I had the background and could do the job. I remember going through the interviews, meeting with 12 or 14 people in a couple of days. When each a person would ask where I went to school, the interview would end. Period. I didn't get that job."

Indeed, the stigma of having no formal education was my undoing for a few years. Interviews were perfect, until the interviewer realized I was not one of them, that I was an outlier, that I was trying to get something "for free" that they had worked four or six years to get themselves.

Gene and I both just kept pushing through those difficult experiences. We both were, it would turn out, entrepreneurs by nature. And entrepreneurs don't give up. So we both did what we had to do, working in the trenches, waiting for a break. Luckily those breaks are out there, and do happen - for some people.

For Gene, his break was a cousin who worked at a heavy machinery manufacturing company that had an opening for a tech job. For me, it was having the exact right programming skills that were needed by a very small, frugal company that didn't have a single technology person on staff at the time - Gamestop (then a 16-location new retail chain; now a hugely successful 6200-location multinational retailer).

For both of us, the rest was history and we made ourselves without the help of the formal education system. But we are the lucky ones, and we recognize that.

Based on each of our similar experiences, we have also had similar reactions and are trying to help in similar ways. We both spend time teaching, lecturing and mentoring students and entrepreneurs. We both like to give breaks to people who were underserved by "the system" when they were kids. When recruiting, we both judge potential hires based on what they bring to the table, rather than their educational pedigree. We both are keenly aware of how kids might not fit into society or into the system, and still have as much - or more - to offer than those who do fit the mold.

We also know that most people in our situation are not so lucky. Many do fall through the cracks. And we both know that it is rarely kids who are the problem, but rather the system: parents, educators and the community. For every success story, there are probably scores of bright kids who fall through the cracks because the system just can't reach out to them.

Sometimes kids reach out for help - in their own ways - but it goes unrecognized. Parents too easily defer to the school to recognize when a student isn't doing well. Likewise, schools just blame the parents. The truth is, it's a partnership. You know, "it takes a village."

Stealing a Future
One day, when I was 15, I stayed home from school because I was sick. Okay, not really, but it was one way to not have to go to school. After my mother left the house, I "borrowed" my father's credit card number from a statement in his office, called up a Radio Shack store and asked if they could take a phone order for a computer and deliver it. This was 1980, when $1500 for a computer was a lot of money. Especially a computer that could do less than today's typical TV remote control. Oddly enough, the guy at Radio Shack said yes. I opened the door in my PJ's to a guy carrying a big box. I forged my father's signature, "Mr. Shack" left, and I ripped into that computer and went into La La Land. When my mother came home 6 hours later, she didn't know what to do, besides call "Mr. Shack" to come take his computer back. But talk about a sign!

Instead of really addressing what happened that day, not another word was said by anyone about it for six months. My mother did what I'm sure many mothers do, it was brushed under the rug and I went back to school. And went back to watching the clock all day every day until I could leave (I'm surprised I didn't start working with clocks instead of computers!).

I have no regrets, obviously. But can't help but wonder what would have happened if she had asked why I did it. Or if a teacher had asked where I had been and what I was doing? I wonder what would happen today if a kid did that. It seems to me that kids do, in fact, give us all the signs we really need in order to meet their needs. But we may not be prepared to listen. Parents need to listen; so do teachers, administrators, and society.

However, I did get that computer for my 16th birthday. In some ways, it was the best gift I ever got, because it really solidified my future path - though I didn't know it at the time.

We need to not judge people by how well they do what's expected of them, but how well they do what they're passionate about. Then we have to help them figure out how to use that passion to be engaged and productive members of society.

I'm still a clock-watcher today. I watch the clock to see if it's still early enough to get some sleep before I have to wake up again, because I'm excited about all the possibilities. I'm still excited about doing things and building things - sometimes with my hands (albeit, these days, mostly on a keyboard or with a dry erase marker). And today I think about what sort of great technology and great company can be created that will not only offer me a chance to be happy and more successful, but that will offer a team of other excited people the chance to do something special. Maybe that special chance that they dreamed of having as a kid.